Fatherhood-One Week In…

Time for another guest post from new dad and regular contributor to TiredDaddy.co.uk Dan…

This time we find him one week into fatherhood, and by the sounds of it loving (nearly) every minute of the experience. Reading Dan’s blogs has really taken me back to when my little one arrived and I started this blog. Originally I had the intention of blogging every day for the first year, but as you can tell, that proved somewhat too ambitious. However, if you fancy revisiting my blog-a-day record of the first 60-odd days click the link below which will take you back in time to when I was one week in and had an existential crisis in the nappy aisle of sainsburys… 

https://tireddaddyuk.wordpress.com/2016/02/06/day-6-an-existential-crisis-in-the-nappy-aisle-of-sainsburys/

Now, on to Dan’s latest update…


So it has been just over a week since our son Sebastian burst (fist first) into this world and what a week it has been. Thus far we have kept him alive and in one piece, so all in all, pretty chuffed!! Here is my account of life as a Tired Daddy.

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Chapter 1: In the Eye of the S*&t Storm.

I know everyone warns you and I know it is no real surprise that babies poop and that it looks gross, but what did surprise me was accuracy of the descriptions that I had been given prior to his birth. I swear to God that on day 4 someone had smeared pesto in his nappy and that by day 6 the poo fairies were now sprinkling mustard seeds into his anus.

The midwife visiting on day 5 asked about the colour and amount of his poo: as the main nappy changer, I stepped forward to give my detailed analysis of the situation. Having changed 6 nappies in a 2 hour period the night before, I enquired as to what was normal. She said a baby cannot poo too much. I started to object but she wasn’t having it.  She said they would (by now) be yellow (like Korma) and about the size of a £2 coin- I laughed and said “More like a £10 note!” -I offered her the opportunity to view pictures…she declined! I’ll keep them for posterity.

Chapter 2: Southampton: The City That Never Sleeps.

Again, it didn’t come as a surprise that my normal sleep pattern might take a bit of a hit. However, what I was slightly less prepared for was the torturous feeling of being woken every hour by a banshee. After arriving home, the first night was fairly calm and Seb slept pretty well (3 hours) in between feeds. I remember making the mistake of messaging a mate to gloat. His words- “Early days mate, early days” still echo in my ears.

The next night we were introduced to the joys of “cluster” feeding and our cute little baby became a MILK MONSTER that hated everything except the sight of a boob! I tried to protect Natalie from the onslaught by taking him on a tour of our flat. That night I downloaded 3 white noise apps to try and trick Sebastian into sleep- nothing worked- not even my tuneless rendition of “Hush Little Baby” where I only really knew the first line so repeated it on a continuous loop. I tore open the packaging to Ewan the Sheep (while Seb lay screaming on the couch) only to discover that batteries were not included. I swirled him in figures of 8 under the light, which entranced him for a while. There was a brief moment of calm, where I was considering the title of the book I was going to write on how to get a baby to sleep- and then his face changed and the gremlin returned.

Eventually I sheepishly returned to the bedroom and thrust him towards Natalie’s chest and said- I give up; I have tried everything; I can’t do this. Natalie pointed out that I had been gone less than 4 minutes.

 

Chapter 3: Olympics! YES!!

As a teacher I was already pretty proud of how well we had planned the birth of our first child: 5 weeks to spend with my new son. Then came the realisation that the Olympics would be on and that I would now be awake to see ALL of it! BRILLIANT!! As a result I am now an expert on “Horse Dancing”, “Bike Chasing” and “Sword fighting”. I have also had the long nights in front of the TV, with Seb on my chest, to consider which of the sports Sebastian is going to win a Gold medal at. Having inherited his fathers “chicken legs”, I have ruled out the short sprints but have given him an outside chance of emulating his namesake in the middle distances. He has long fingers but I have not yet decided how that will help in the world of top class sport- maybe archery or shooting. He wrestles like a pro when having his nappy changed so perhaps some kind of martial art! Although he has already gauged my eye, pulled hair off my chest and munched on my nipple so he is going to have to clean up his tactics.

That’s it for now. I just want to finish by saying that although it has been the steepest of learning curves it has also been the best week of my life so far!

Guest Author: Dan Steel

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