A Poo at the Swimming Pool: A Moral Tale

There are few things that strike such fear into the soul of a new dad than the thought of taking your baby for a trip to the swimming pool, and your baby repaying the favour by deciding that the warm water is the perfect place to unleash a bottom tsunami…. A sub-aqua dirty protest… A nappy (s)oil-slick… A brown wave of shame that will engulf all pretences to being an adequate dad in its wake…

Well, this happened to me….

Before I go on and tell you what actually happened I want to stop for a second and let you think about the scenario…

I am there at my local swimming pool, it is a normal Sunday morning. My 4 month old is one of about 10 children in the “baby pool”, but by far the youngest. Other Dads are encouraging their toddlers to wave to my little boy. One little girl comes over and holds his hand. It is a lovely wholesome family scene, he is enjoying the water, and splashing around… 

Then suddenly I notice … THE BUBBLES…

Not a huge amount, but enough to instantly get the alarm bells ringing in my head. ALERT ALERT! THIS IS A CODE BROWN SITUATION! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! Immediately I swing into emergency mode. I must get this baby out of the water, and out of the potentially judgemental eyes of my peers and their children as soon as possible. 

I make a dash for the steps out of the pool, moving through the water like a particularly petrified salmon trying to escape the clutches of a very brown bear… In my haste I narrowly avoid a reversing 3 year old boy in a rubber ring carrying what looks like a semi automatic weapon (but which I assume is some form of water pistol). In about 5 seconds we are out of the water, shuffling awkwardly towards the changing rooms (no running!) as I nervously glance backwards towards the water for any tell tale signs floating accusingly in our wake. 

But I see nothing. Phew!!!!

Once away from the pool I give my son a rudimentary once over, looking for any signs of leakage. But to my relief it seems his swimming costume/baby wetsuit has maintained its structural integrity and in so doing maintained my shame and ability to show my face in public.

I get into the changing room and find the spectacular results of this sub aqua eruption completely contained within the confines of the nappy, and sigh the biggest sigh of relief you have ever heard. 

The morals of the story…

1) Do not go swimming after eating (or before the first movement of the day!), and..

2) A high quality baby wetsuit is worth its weight in gold!

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