Day 22: The 10 questions everyone asks on the return to work after paternity leave

  Today I went back to work after my 3 week paternity leave. Needless to say it has been a serious shock to the system!
Perhaps the most notable thing though is the fact that pretty much everyone I have encountered has asked me the exact same questions. What this has meant is that I have pretty much spend the whole day repeating on a loop the same answers. Now, being a creative sort who gets bored rather quickly by repetition I have already started to embellish the answers to keep myself entertained, which is fun at the moment but I do fear that by the end of the week I may be describing my baby as being a 3 armed flying robot who was born in a zero gravity birthing pod or something…

Below are the most common questions I have been asked to date in order of popularity, which I thought i would put in a handy list so that other new dads can prepare their answers in advance… Let me know if I have missed anything via Twitter @365Tired

1. Boy or Girl?

2. Is he sleeping well?

3. Have you been to the pub to “wet the babies head” yet?

4. How long was your wife in labour?

5. How much does he weigh?

6. Had he pooed on you yet?

7. Can he talk yet?

8. Does he look like you or your wife?

9. Have you made him watch the football yet?

10. Are you going to have another one?

As you can see, some of the questions are quite normal, but I have been alarmed by the number of people to ask about the drinking, the football, and most notably the question of whether he can talk! He is 3 weeks old for crying out loud. (I am not sure what that says about my colleagues! Though I suppose it tells you a bit about me if my colleagues assume he will be a chatterbox who likes the footie and the pub)

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